Saturday, June 4, 2016

Country Time Lemonade Commercial Summer

Do you remember those Country Time Lemonade commercials from the 90's?

(Hear the narrator's deep voice dubbed over soothing jazz tunes)

Summer...ahh...warm breezes blowing...laughter with friends...and ice cold Country Time Lemonade...

(or something along those lines.  If this isn't ringing any bells, click HERE).

I love those darn commercials!  That is what I wanted for our summer: Picturesque walks where the warm sun shines through the trees that have created an umbrella over a scenic path...
...laughter echoing from a tire swing as it sways in the wind (pretend it's swinging out over a pristine pond and that my children are competent swimmers)...
...And glowy images of little ones benevolently sharing ice cream - a sweet escape from summer's heat.
But we're one week into summer and already, my Country Time Lemonade commercial has been - (insert sound of an old school record player scratching to a halt) - replaced by this insanity:
You can't really read the chicken scratch on my calendar but you don't really need to.  I have fallen into the over-scheduling pit that so many moms of this era fall prey to.  My kids need daily swimming lessons - it's a safety skill!  They need weekly gymnastics lessons AND gymnastics camp.  Don't forget Vacation Bible School - they need some Jesus in their lives.  And obviously Josie needs three therapy sessions a week (PT, OT, and Speech, y'all) PLUS two tutoring sessions so her math and literacy skills don't get rusty over the summer.  And let's not forget play dates!  Social skills are important, too!  Mix in a sprinkling of doctors appointments and various other commitments and you've got one crazed mama and ZERO signs of the Country Time Lemonade commercial summer.

I didn't even make it through Thursday on the first week of summer break before the already questionable fibers of my sanity started unraveling.  I asked Travis to take Josie to one of her evening commitments because I really needed to go for a walk to clear my head and commune with nature.  It was lovely.  So lovely that I sent Travis the following text:
...that was right before I ran over Lydia with the stroller.  She's fine.  Totally fine.  But we learned and important lesson about always using the seat belts and never trying to escape a moving vehicle.  She insisted on walking home after that.
What does a fun, relaxed, Country Time Lemonade mom do after that?  Well, she lovingly makes dinner for her family while welcoming help from eager little ones...We decided to follow the recipe on the Triscuit box.  We're fancy like that.
That was right before Lydia fell off of her stool...


...then spilled water everywhere...


...and while I was lifting the glass on the kitchen table to clean it up, Josie snuck her finger under there and I accidentally laid the glass on it and pinched it...she wailed so much I felt awful...


...and the pasta boiled over while I was apologetically soothing her.  I cast them to the playroom where Lydia committed an offense so vile that Merryn put her in time out.  And Lydia obediently went and sat on the stairs.  At this point, I couldn't stop to get involved in that because dinner never would have made it to the table...
...and I never would have received culinary compliments like Travis' (crunching on the unusually textured, Triscuit-coated chicken that basically tastes like...well...chicken covered in Triscuits), "It's good, but... they make this stuff called Shake & Bake and it's pretty good, too.  Probably a lot easier."

Once again, this is why I don't cook.

But at least I got a lovely centerpiece out of the deal...
After bath that night, one of my children, who shall remain nameless, ran MY hair comb down the crack of the rear end of another child, who shall remain nameless, like she was swiping a credit card through the machine - the perfect ending to a day that left me at the intersection of laughing and I tucked those little darlings in bed and I came to my desk and made my own Country Time Lemonade commercial.  Enjoy!

We'll leave the light on for you!

- Wait - wrong commercial.


Happy Summer, Everyone!

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