I didn't sleep well last night. Sleeping in to compensate for my insomnia may have seemed reasonable, as it is Saturday. But I was greeted at 7am by my fourteen year-old chromosomally enhanced diva requesting breakfast. It's like clockwork - she doesn't take weekends off.
At this point, one might channel Dolly, Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition, and yawn and stretch and try to come to life, except before that "cup of ambition" hits my lips, here comes Leanne. So I start making Josie's custom breakfast request: frozen muffins, berries, and milk, followed by Leanne's custom breakfast request: eggs, bacon, berries, and coffee. Enter Travis bellowing up the stairs to make sure Merryn is ready to leave for swim practice. I presume Merryn doesn't want to eat before swim, but she debunks that assumption with an ever-so-charming-teenage, "I'm starving, Bruh!" So I dig out the sandwich press and start assembling a grilled ham & cheese for our little athlete.
My kids have been off school for the holidays for 2 weeks. The house looks like it: dishes by the sink, popcorn on the floor, miscelleneous socks and hair bands strewn about. I'm surrounded by reminders of the endless domestic drudgery that takes significantly longer to do when I have this crew of 4 interrupting me, requesting my attention, needing me to make them snacks and referee their quarrels. Oh, and since they're home, attempting to tidy is like attempting to shovel the driveway during a blizzard.
I still haven't had my cup of ambition.
Travis offers a trip to Trader Joe's while Merryn is at swim. I've been meaning to go to Trader Joe's, as there are a few odds and ends of things I only buy there. And having Travis with me means I don't have to push the cart, load the bags into the car, or even put things away. He does it all for me like the chivalrous gentleman that he is. I just get to wander around, perusing at my leisure. Offer accepted.
This is the part where he rushes me. Travis spends 90% of his time rushing us females. He's always ready: no hair to brush, no stylish outfit to select, no need to "put his face on," nor fill his water bottle. He just nags the rest of us. Mind you, I'm standing in the kitchen in pajamas, disheveled hair, unbrushed teeth, and he expects me to get in the car. Right now.
I still haven't had my cup of ambition.
I snap at him to drop Merryn off at swim first and then come back and get me. He grumbles about not planning to come back this way, but he begrudgingly accepts my terms and reminds me, one more time, that I have "six minutes" to get ready.
I grab the last 2 egg bites from Costco and pop them in the microwave as I rush into my bedroom to put on clothes and comb my hair. With a little luck, I may even have time to slap some concealer on the dark caverns under my eyes that notify the world that I am sleep deprived.
I frantically rush back into the kitchen to retrieve the LAST TWO heart-healthy-spinach-and-egg-white egg bites from the microwave. I open the microwave and...crickets...I glance around the kitchen, thinking someone must have retrieved the plate and set it somewhere and those egg bites are nowhere to be seen. I look up and say "Where are my egg bites?" Leanne looks stricken and fumbles with her words as she explains that Biddy got them out of the microwave, set them in front of Leanne, and Leanne ate them. Leanne ate the last two egg bites after she had already had a hearty breakfast consisting of eggs, bacon, fruit, and coffee! But she feels completely justified because Biddy set them in front of her.
I don't remember what words came out of my mouth, but I remember slamming the bedroom door. Then, I texted Travis, "You won't believe what happened. I was already running on fumes and I'm just done."
I grab my now lukewarm cup of ambition and stumble out to Travis' vehicle, realizing that this enormous coffee mug won't fit into a cup holder so I'm just going to have to hold it and pray he doesn't have to stop suddenly. I start to recount my egg bite story for him when he interrupts and goes, "Can I guess the ending? Leanne ate them!" Now, there are 6 people living in our house and he knows exactly which one ate my egg bites without me even finishing the story.
So I said, "Now, I need you to take me to Chick Fil A so I can eat some-deep-fried-carcinogenic-seed-oil-laden-artery-obstructing garbage before I go grocery shopping. THIS is why my youngest child is ten and I still haven't been able to get to my pre-baby weight."
Travis says, "Fine. But we've got to hurry."
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