Text from my beloved friend, Courtney: Is moving with 2 toddlers the perpetual bliss I'm envisioning?
My response: Omitted due to inappropriate content
Yes, Folks. It's been a stressful, fun, sad, joyous, boring, exciting, overwhelming and tearful week. Here are a few lessons we've learned:
1. Keep up on the laundry. Because trying to do 8 loads the day before you leave, while packing for 10 days in a hotel room, with two toddlers undertow, is not fun.
2. Regardless of the size of the hotel room that your husband's company benevolently permits you to reserve, it will quickly close in on you when occupied by two adults, two toddlers, one dog, and all of their possessions. I have some ugly bruises from tripping over stuff.
3. Hotel rooms are not babyproof. Overturned coffee tables and strategically rearranged furniture do not constitute adequate baby-proofing. Those little rug rats delight in the thrill of a new obstacle course.
4. If Mom wants to enjoy a meal in peace, she should probably lock herself in the bathroom and inhale it on the toilet. The ambiance is less than appetizing, but at least each spoonful won't be interrupted by the pathetic pleas of a shameless toddler and her trusty four-legged sidekick. "Eat! Mer-nyn bite? Lillian bite? Mer-nyn and Lillian bite!"
5. Entertaining toddlers in hotel rooms requires creativity. Whether it's the impromptu toga party or allowing your 3 year-old to prank call the front desk and utter "Call me, maybe!", if it eradicates the whining, do it.
6. Kids don't sleep as well on interrupted schedules in unfamiliar environments. Instead of listening to your 3 year-old talk, whine, cry, shake the metal hotel crib and yell "Any Man of Miiiiiiine" for 2 hours during nap time, just put her in the car. It's like an Ambien on wheels.
7. Husbands: When your wife has an unanticipated, irrational, tearful, pre-menstrual breakdown about how she can't take it anymore when you've simply asked her to try to expedite her morning routine, do not try and reason with her. Just give her a hug and let her have her moment.
8. On second thought, do not ask a woman who has been solo parenting for 2.5 months, trapped in a car with toddlers for 9 hours, going on her seventh day living out of a suitcase, hauling around two toddlers (one who barely walks and the other who barely listens) without a stroller, to expedite her morning routine.
9. Bring extra cash to tip the hotel housekeeping staff really well. When a hotel room is occupied by two toddlers and a canine, you never know when a play-doh-on-the-carpet/blowout-on-the-bed/accident/on-purpose/spill/toss/can-we-please-have-extra-towels-don't-ask-why is going to happen!
10. All of the above is totally worth it when a side effect of sharing such close quarters means you get to overhear the following conversation spoken between cribs:
Merryn: Night Night JoJo
Josie: Night Night Merryn